[ With a deep sigh Aerith lets her hands loosen enough to let her fingers lace with Zack's. The tension keeping her shoulders tight doesn't vanish completely, there are still too many old hurts getting pressed on from thinking of Zack at Hojo's mercy for her to drum up a smile, but she takes a step forward and rests her head against him instead. ]
There's more I haven't told you.
[ Her voice sounds smaller than it did moments before. Out of everyone, she supposes she's kept this secret from Zack the longest. When they were young she had been so determined to be a normal person for her first boyfriend to even acknowledge the Turk presence she's almost sure he noticed at least once. Now, after everything that's happened to her, it doesn't feel right not to tell him the truth. ]
About me.
[ Aerith looks up at Zack again, her hands tugging at his. ]
Can we go back to the house and talk there? We can go get ice cream after, I think we'll both need it. [ She laughs mutedly, lifting her shoulders in a small shrug. ]
[The physical distance between them may not have been all that great or lasted that long, but it still made Zack uneasy. Even now, with their fingers entwined and Aerith close, things still don't feel quite right. Not unfixable, just...a little messed up.
But Zack breathes in and gives her fingers a quick squeeze. He's not going to give up just because they've hit a big bump in the road. That's not the type of person Zack is. He doesn't give up so easily.
This...secret or whatever that Aerith has to tell him makes his chest twinge a little. He suspects he knows what she means to tell him, since there's something he knows about her that he probably shouldn't, but he'll let her explain on her own terms. One step at a time. They'll get through this.]
Of course. I'll go wherever you want.
[He thinks that's the least he owes her, after all the promises he hasn't been able to keep.]
[ There are knots in her stomach that Aerith has to work to ignore. Zack's return is a gift, it's the second chance she believed would never come, and she's grown so much since they were together. It's not a straightforward path, but she's coming to terms with what and who she is, with what's being asked of her. She wants to be that better version of herself with him too, for him, for them. ]
Wherever I want? [ Aerith does what she can to keep her voice light, but that nervous flutter doesn't go away completely. ] You're going to have to give me a little while to think of somewhere really good so I can make the most of taking you up on that!
[ Keeping hold of his hand the whole way back, she's quick to close the front door behind them once they arrive and lead him upstairs to her room where she's sure nobody else will overhear. She takes a deep breath and gives him an almost encouraging smile before letting him go to take a seat on the bed and pat the spot beside her. ]
When I told you about how my friends came and got me out of Hojo's lab, I didn't tell you that it wasn't my first time there.
[ Aerith's eyes dart from his face to his hands, reaching for them and holding on tightly as she made herself continue. ]
I wasn't born there, but, all my earliest memories are of there, of where they kept me and my mother. [ The scare of her return to Hojo's lab, of hearing him say those terrible things about what he did to her mother's remains are still fresh enough in her memory. ] My mother, that is, my birth mother, was an Ancient, and whatever Hojo did to her... She died in the train station in the Sector 5 slums. We escaped from the building, and my mom, Elmyra, took me in.
[Zack doesn't have any plans of leaving Aerith on her own, but the more he thinks about it and the more she speaks, he realizes that she had moved on from him in a way. There was her letter, of course, but then to learn she had not only braved the sky but left Midgar entirely...
And now here Zack is, probably like a ghost, potentially throwing a wrench in her life. Five years. She seems to be recovering well enough, but Zack wakes up sometimes thinking he's still eighteen years old. Aerith at least acts like she still wants him around, for which he's grateful, but he feels...like a man out of time. He's missed so much and there's so much of his life he's never going to get back, even if Aerith promises to make things up to him.
He gives her a smile, though, and nearly says that he can wait, but that feels kind of in poor taste after everything.]
I love a good girlfriend surprise.
[Zack can play at the optimism game, too.
He lets Aerith guide the both of them back the, admittedly, short distance to the house and follows dutifully to her room. If either their maid or butler notices, Zack doesn't pay them any mind. This conversation is important and he's not going to let some impropriety or whatever get in the way.
When he joins her on the bed, he doesn't expect her to talk about Hojo. And what she says is terrible. During her explanation, he makes sure to give her hands a reassuring little squeeze. The whole Ancient thing he already knew, just not the details. It's awful. It's all just awful.]
...I used to think monsters were only those creatures that didn't look like us. But the longer I spent with Shinra, the more those lines got blurred. And all this Hojo crap...he's the real monster.
[He lets go of her hands to instead wrap his arms around her. He doesn't know what else to do but just hold her, to hopefully make her feel safe. But there's still more he has to do. His voice is quieter, softer, when he speaks up again.]
I know you're an Ancient. A Turk told me you're the last one, but I just never said anything.
[ Zack lets her hands go and pulls her into a hug and Aerith almost slumps against him, relieved to know ]
A Turk?
[ Aerith's eyes narrow, her mind taking quick stock of the situation, drawing on years spent being shadowed to narrow down a list of likely candidates before she stops herself. It doesn't matter now. She lets herself lean into his hold, snuggling against his side, ducking her head. ]
I figured. I mean, not that you knew that, just that you must have known something. Tseng has always liked to hover around me.
[ Maybe that's why she's managed to strike such an accord with Lorcan, her new shadow here in Avondale - she's used to hovering.
She straightens enough to look at him, her smile weaker than before but no less sincere. As harried as she is, she knows telling him all this is a step in the right direction. They have five years of air to clear between them, and lost time to make up for. Being with Zack feels as right and natural as it ever did, but she doesn't know if everything can be as straightforward as it was when they were kids.
The sight of his eyes makes her expression soften, one hand coming up to rest against the side of his face, touching the scar on his cheek. ]
It's still hard to believe this is happening sometimes.
[Well, it's not her real name, apparently, but she is a friend still, right? Things are more complicated after his escape from Nibelheim, but she did let him and Cloud go twice. There's something between them, something that isn't indifference, or just straight-up hostility. She put her job, maybe even her life, on the line for him.
But then she also told Zack something he probably never needed to know, or at least wasn't her secret to tell, and that sits wrong with him. Sure, Aerith doesn't seem terribly upset, but that's not the point.
Zack grows upset, though, the more he thinks about another detail she went over really quickly just a few minutes ago.]
Tseng.
[He almost growls the name, one of his hands finding the sheets beside them and grasping them in a fist.]
I trusted him, why...
[His head falls to her shoulder as he tries to find his words.]
I told him I was counting on him to keep you safe before I left. Why would he hand you over to Hojo?
[But as he feels Aerith shift, he collects himself and sits up straighter, too, though his eyes are wet. He looks at her, watches as she still manages to smile through all of this, and when she touches his cheek, he feels...a little calmer. She's always had this effect. Maybe it's because she's an Ancient or whatever. That doesn't matter. She's just always been able to help him feel human again after seeing the disaster that Shinra and SOLDIER have become. After Angeal died. After anything, really. This isn't any different.
The pain still exists, but with her it's easier to manage.]
[ She knows the name, but it's one she hasn't heard in a while. It doesn't sit right with her either. Knowing someone let something like that slip to Zack while she's unaware is a weird feeling, and she's dealing with enough of those already - but that doesn't mean she regrets it any less when she pulls away after he settles his head against her. ]
He... Tseng's known me since I was a little girl. His job was always to take me back to Shinra.
[ It's strange to imagine Zack and Tseng knowing one another well enough for Zack to trust him with a promise like that, still, she can't pretend that it didn't wound her a little when Tseng finally made good on that intention. Again, the thought of how much Zack has missed comes back around to settle at the forefront of her thoughts, giving the smile she tries to give him a sadder edge, her cheeks damp from the tears she's trying her best not to shed. ]
I had to get Barret's daughter out of Sector 7 before they dropped the plate on everyone, so I traded myself for a ride.
[ Which makes it sound more calculated and less like Tseng had turned up at the worst moment imaginable and put her back against the wall. She doesn't want to make telling Zack the truth any harder than it has to be, she also doesn't want to think that even Tseng would willingly hand her over to Hojo if he knew what was in store for her there.
Aerith takes a deep breath, forcing herself to push all that aside as she reaches for Zack and tugs him back to lie down with her. Her hand rests on his cheek again after she settles on her side, her gaze lingering on his face. ]
We'll be alright Zack. [ She doesn't know why exactly, but something in her tells her they both need to hear that. ]
[The fact that Zack didn't seem to know anything about...anything really angers him. The more he learns, not just from Aerith, but about Shinra in general, the more he feels like he's just been a pawn this whole time. Not him specifically, but anyone in SOLDIER or anyone who works for Shinra who isn't a department head or is considered actually important. The more he learns, the more he mentally kicks himself for being so oblivious and for so long.
He shakes his head.]
The next time I see Tseng, I'm gonna deck him so hard. I can't...I can't believe this.
[And then, in a smaller voice - ]
...I never should've left.
[It's all hindsight, of course. Things didn't feel so dire back then. Aerith wasn't in any real danger, or so he thought. Nibelheim was supposed to be an easy enough mission, at least for people like him and Sephiroth. Just take out some monsters and get back home. He had survived worse without a problem.
He doesn't put up a fight when Aerith tugs him to lie down next to her. He probably wouldn't fight her on anything.]
I'm not worried about us. Not really.
[He gives a short laugh, though it doesn't do much for his overall mood.]
I mean, you haven't, like, punched me yet.
[But there's still so much for him to get cleared up and he props himself up on an elbow.]
This Barret guy. His daughter. Did you get her out? And...did they really drop a plate? They didn't, right? That's...that's insane.
[Doing questionable scientific experiments is one thing. Actually putting countless civilian lives in danger is entirely different. Surely even Shinra wouldn't cross that line. He wants to believe. He needs to believe.]
[ The change in his voice, the way sorrow and regret begin to weigh at what's otherwise a joyful noise makes the ache in her chest sharpen, her arms wrapping around him extra-tightly when he finally climbs onto her bed with her. Aerith's fingers smooth through Zack's hair, shifting herself so that she can guide him to rest his head against her shoulder, a mirthless chuckle escaping when he mentions punching Tseng in the face.
She's never been the sort to advocate for violence - unless the person was scum like Corneo, but she might find it hard to tell Zack to stop if Tseng showed up and he took a swing at the guy - at least at first.
Ducking her head to hide her face in his hair she scoots closer, cozying up to him with a heavy sigh before he moves to prop himself up on an elbow and she rolls onto her back to better look up at his face, happy to be able to stare at him although the grave look on her face wouldn't suggest as much. ]
Marlene? Yeah, she's with my mom now. [ Her expression darkens even more when he asks about the plate, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach appearing along with the realization that out of everything, this might be the worst thing she has to tell him. ]
Yeah, they did. I know my friends tried to fight them off, but the Turks got it to collapse anyway. There wasn't anything I could do, I was already being taken back to Hojo's lab when it happened.
[Okay. Okay, this girl - Marlene, apparently - is safe. That must make things a lot easier for Aerith to deal with. At least she was able to help out with that.
But the relief it gives Zack doesn't last long. They dropped a plate. They actually dropped a plate. Zack doesn't have family in Midgar so it's not as if anyone he really knows was in danger of such a heinous act, but it's still just so...wrong. That's not a strong enough word.
Zack exhales and falls back to the bed, turning to lie on his back with an arm draped over his eyes. It's probably because he hasn't experienced it or because the only person really important to him in Midgar outside of any SOLDIER friends is Aerith, but the shock doesn't seem to kick in. It's still horrible, of course, and he can't believe that someone decided to kill civilians like that. Civilians!]
What is Shinra doing? People live there.
[When he left home to join SOLDIER, he really just wanted to become a hero, like Sephiroth, like no one else could ever become in Gongaga. How did so much change in such a short amount of time?
When he finally pulls his arm away again, he breathes in and looks back at Aerith.]
Hey. You're just one person. You wouldn't have been able to stop them even if you were there.
They wanted to blame my friends for it, I hope it's not working.
[ It's not like sticking around to find out was an option after their confrontation with Sephiroth and the madness that followed before and after. Aerith frowns watching Zack flop onto his back and throw an arm over his eyes. ]
I told you we would need the ice cream more now.
[ The words feel weak when she says them, but she's doing what she can to try and brighten up what's undoubtedly a very dismal conversation.
She tries for a reassuring smile when he looks back at her and shifts closer, throwing her arms around his middle and hugging him close. ]
[So. Looking for a scapegoat for something Shinra themselves caused. Which means it has to be so heinous that they need to cover it up. Whatever 'it' is.
Zack just can't imagine going so far.
But there isn't anything he can do about it while he's here, and he would tell Aerith the same thing. So he holds her close and presses his face into her hair, breathing her in and trying to keep himself calm.]
It's okay. I mean, it's not, but it's not your fault. I'm just glad you're safe.
[He kisses the top of her head.]
We can still go get that ice cream, just...let's stay like this for a little while first, okay?
[ This conversation has left her feeling raw, but she's grateful that everything is out in the open. Everything is so new and strange that she doesn't let herself think about it but, if she gets to bring him back with her somehow, it's good that he knows what he's walking into, and it's a weight off her shoulders that he knows the truth about her too.
Her eyes shut briefly, relishing the kiss he plants on the top of her head while her arms tighten around him and keep him as close as she can get him like this. ]
We haven't been together in so long if you wanted to spend the whole week like this I don't think I could complain.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-04-11 04:00 am (UTC)There's more I haven't told you.
[ Her voice sounds smaller than it did moments before. Out of everyone, she supposes she's kept this secret from Zack the longest. When they were young she had been so determined to be a normal person for her first boyfriend to even acknowledge the Turk presence she's almost sure he noticed at least once. Now, after everything that's happened to her, it doesn't feel right not to tell him the truth. ]
About me.
[ Aerith looks up at Zack again, her hands tugging at his. ]
Can we go back to the house and talk there? We can go get ice cream after, I think we'll both need it. [ She laughs mutedly, lifting her shoulders in a small shrug. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-13 09:43 pm (UTC)But Zack breathes in and gives her fingers a quick squeeze. He's not going to give up just because they've hit a big bump in the road. That's not the type of person Zack is. He doesn't give up so easily.
This...secret or whatever that Aerith has to tell him makes his chest twinge a little. He suspects he knows what she means to tell him, since there's something he knows about her that he probably shouldn't, but he'll let her explain on her own terms. One step at a time. They'll get through this.]
Of course. I'll go wherever you want.
[He thinks that's the least he owes her, after all the promises he hasn't been able to keep.]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-14 01:35 am (UTC)Wherever I want? [ Aerith does what she can to keep her voice light, but that nervous flutter doesn't go away completely. ] You're going to have to give me a little while to think of somewhere really good so I can make the most of taking you up on that!
[ Keeping hold of his hand the whole way back, she's quick to close the front door behind them once they arrive and lead him upstairs to her room where she's sure nobody else will overhear. She takes a deep breath and gives him an almost encouraging smile before letting him go to take a seat on the bed and pat the spot beside her. ]
When I told you about how my friends came and got me out of Hojo's lab, I didn't tell you that it wasn't my first time there.
[ Aerith's eyes dart from his face to his hands, reaching for them and holding on tightly as she made herself continue. ]
I wasn't born there, but, all my earliest memories are of there, of where they kept me and my mother. [ The scare of her return to Hojo's lab, of hearing him say those terrible things about what he did to her mother's remains are still fresh enough in her memory. ] My mother, that is, my birth mother, was an Ancient, and whatever Hojo did to her... She died in the train station in the Sector 5 slums. We escaped from the building, and my mom, Elmyra, took me in.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-14 02:51 am (UTC)And now here Zack is, probably like a ghost, potentially throwing a wrench in her life. Five years. She seems to be recovering well enough, but Zack wakes up sometimes thinking he's still eighteen years old. Aerith at least acts like she still wants him around, for which he's grateful, but he feels...like a man out of time. He's missed so much and there's so much of his life he's never going to get back, even if Aerith promises to make things up to him.
He gives her a smile, though, and nearly says that he can wait, but that feels kind of in poor taste after everything.]
I love a good girlfriend surprise.
[Zack can play at the optimism game, too.
He lets Aerith guide the both of them back the, admittedly, short distance to the house and follows dutifully to her room. If either their maid or butler notices, Zack doesn't pay them any mind. This conversation is important and he's not going to let some impropriety or whatever get in the way.
When he joins her on the bed, he doesn't expect her to talk about Hojo. And what she says is terrible. During her explanation, he makes sure to give her hands a reassuring little squeeze. The whole Ancient thing he already knew, just not the details. It's awful. It's all just awful.]
...I used to think monsters were only those creatures that didn't look like us. But the longer I spent with Shinra, the more those lines got blurred. And all this Hojo crap...he's the real monster.
[He lets go of her hands to instead wrap his arms around her. He doesn't know what else to do but just hold her, to hopefully make her feel safe. But there's still more he has to do. His voice is quieter, softer, when he speaks up again.]
I know you're an Ancient. A Turk told me you're the last one, but I just never said anything.
...I'm sorry, Aerith.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-15 03:01 am (UTC)A Turk?
[ Aerith's eyes narrow, her mind taking quick stock of the situation, drawing on years spent being shadowed to narrow down a list of likely candidates before she stops herself. It doesn't matter now. She lets herself lean into his hold, snuggling against his side, ducking her head. ]
I figured. I mean, not that you knew that, just that you must have known something. Tseng has always liked to hover around me.
[ Maybe that's why she's managed to strike such an accord with Lorcan, her new shadow here in Avondale - she's used to hovering.
She straightens enough to look at him, her smile weaker than before but no less sincere. As harried as she is, she knows telling him all this is a step in the right direction. They have five years of air to clear between them, and lost time to make up for. Being with Zack feels as right and natural as it ever did, but she doesn't know if everything can be as straightforward as it was when they were kids.
The sight of his eyes makes her expression soften, one hand coming up to rest against the side of his face, touching the scar on his cheek. ]
It's still hard to believe this is happening sometimes.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-15 04:59 am (UTC)Yeah, a...friend. Her name's Cissnei.
[Well, it's not her real name, apparently, but she is a friend still, right? Things are more complicated after his escape from Nibelheim, but she did let him and Cloud go twice. There's something between them, something that isn't indifference, or just straight-up hostility. She put her job, maybe even her life, on the line for him.
But then she also told Zack something he probably never needed to know, or at least wasn't her secret to tell, and that sits wrong with him. Sure, Aerith doesn't seem terribly upset, but that's not the point.
Zack grows upset, though, the more he thinks about another detail she went over really quickly just a few minutes ago.]
Tseng.
[He almost growls the name, one of his hands finding the sheets beside them and grasping them in a fist.]
I trusted him, why...
[His head falls to her shoulder as he tries to find his words.]
I told him I was counting on him to keep you safe before I left. Why would he hand you over to Hojo?
[But as he feels Aerith shift, he collects himself and sits up straighter, too, though his eyes are wet. He looks at her, watches as she still manages to smile through all of this, and when she touches his cheek, he feels...a little calmer. She's always had this effect. Maybe it's because she's an Ancient or whatever. That doesn't matter. She's just always been able to help him feel human again after seeing the disaster that Shinra and SOLDIER have become. After Angeal died. After anything, really. This isn't any different.
The pain still exists, but with her it's easier to manage.]
...Yeah.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-16 04:01 am (UTC)He... Tseng's known me since I was a little girl. His job was always to take me back to Shinra.
[ It's strange to imagine Zack and Tseng knowing one another well enough for Zack to trust him with a promise like that, still, she can't pretend that it didn't wound her a little when Tseng finally made good on that intention. Again, the thought of how much Zack has missed comes back around to settle at the forefront of her thoughts, giving the smile she tries to give him a sadder edge, her cheeks damp from the tears she's trying her best not to shed. ]
I had to get Barret's daughter out of Sector 7 before they dropped the plate on everyone, so I traded myself for a ride.
[ Which makes it sound more calculated and less like Tseng had turned up at the worst moment imaginable and put her back against the wall. She doesn't want to make telling Zack the truth any harder than it has to be, she also doesn't want to think that even Tseng would willingly hand her over to Hojo if he knew what was in store for her there.
Aerith takes a deep breath, forcing herself to push all that aside as she reaches for Zack and tugs him back to lie down with her. Her hand rests on his cheek again after she settles on her side, her gaze lingering on his face. ]
We'll be alright Zack. [ She doesn't know why exactly, but something in her tells her they both need to hear that. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-21 07:08 am (UTC)He shakes his head.]
The next time I see Tseng, I'm gonna deck him so hard. I can't...I can't believe this.
[And then, in a smaller voice - ]
...I never should've left.
[It's all hindsight, of course. Things didn't feel so dire back then. Aerith wasn't in any real danger, or so he thought. Nibelheim was supposed to be an easy enough mission, at least for people like him and Sephiroth. Just take out some monsters and get back home. He had survived worse without a problem.
He doesn't put up a fight when Aerith tugs him to lie down next to her. He probably wouldn't fight her on anything.]
I'm not worried about us. Not really.
[He gives a short laugh, though it doesn't do much for his overall mood.]
I mean, you haven't, like, punched me yet.
[But there's still so much for him to get cleared up and he props himself up on an elbow.]
This Barret guy. His daughter. Did you get her out? And...did they really drop a plate? They didn't, right? That's...that's insane.
[Doing questionable scientific experiments is one thing. Actually putting countless civilian lives in danger is entirely different. Surely even Shinra wouldn't cross that line. He wants to believe. He needs to believe.]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 02:15 am (UTC)She's never been the sort to advocate for violence - unless the person was scum like Corneo, but she might find it hard to tell Zack to stop if Tseng showed up and he took a swing at the guy - at least at first.
Ducking her head to hide her face in his hair she scoots closer, cozying up to him with a heavy sigh before he moves to prop himself up on an elbow and she rolls onto her back to better look up at his face, happy to be able to stare at him although the grave look on her face wouldn't suggest as much. ]
Marlene? Yeah, she's with my mom now. [ Her expression darkens even more when he asks about the plate, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach appearing along with the realization that out of everything, this might be the worst thing she has to tell him. ]
Yeah, they did. I know my friends tried to fight them off, but the Turks got it to collapse anyway. There wasn't anything I could do, I was already being taken back to Hojo's lab when it happened.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 04:46 am (UTC)But the relief it gives Zack doesn't last long. They dropped a plate. They actually dropped a plate. Zack doesn't have family in Midgar so it's not as if anyone he really knows was in danger of such a heinous act, but it's still just so...wrong. That's not a strong enough word.
Zack exhales and falls back to the bed, turning to lie on his back with an arm draped over his eyes. It's probably because he hasn't experienced it or because the only person really important to him in Midgar outside of any SOLDIER friends is Aerith, but the shock doesn't seem to kick in. It's still horrible, of course, and he can't believe that someone decided to kill civilians like that. Civilians!]
What is Shinra doing? People live there.
[When he left home to join SOLDIER, he really just wanted to become a hero, like Sephiroth, like no one else could ever become in Gongaga. How did so much change in such a short amount of time?
When he finally pulls his arm away again, he breathes in and looks back at Aerith.]
Hey. You're just one person. You wouldn't have been able to stop them even if you were there.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 09:35 pm (UTC)[ It's not like sticking around to find out was an option after their confrontation with Sephiroth and the madness that followed before and after. Aerith frowns watching Zack flop onto his back and throw an arm over his eyes. ]
I told you we would need the ice cream more now.
[ The words feel weak when she says them, but she's doing what she can to try and brighten up what's undoubtedly a very dismal conversation.
She tries for a reassuring smile when he looks back at her and shifts closer, throwing her arms around his middle and hugging him close. ]
I wish I had better things to tell you.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-26 02:47 am (UTC)Zack just can't imagine going so far.
But there isn't anything he can do about it while he's here, and he would tell Aerith the same thing. So he holds her close and presses his face into her hair, breathing her in and trying to keep himself calm.]
It's okay. I mean, it's not, but it's not your fault. I'm just glad you're safe.
[He kisses the top of her head.]
We can still go get that ice cream, just...let's stay like this for a little while first, okay?
no subject
Date: 2023-04-26 03:08 am (UTC)Her eyes shut briefly, relishing the kiss he plants on the top of her head while her arms tighten around him and keep him as close as she can get him like this. ]
We haven't been together in so long if you wanted to spend the whole week like this I don't think I could complain.